Throne Thoughts

December 31, 2015, 11:50 pm.

Outside, I could hear the ruckus of trumpet toys and the booming of fireworks that for sure create beauty in the sky but certainly manufacture scare at the grounds to those poor hands who grip them and to those stressed house pets.

While others were busy entertaining themselves in such commotions while chewing their Media Noche, savoring their lucky charms and dozen of round fruits, and promptly jumping for a height increase amid the countdown, I sat on the throne.

When I was young and so gullible, I used to believe that what people "exorcise" from the their bodies are naturally parts of their anatomies, that the "purged" are already before just like any other body part. I soon discovered that they are digested food that temporarily stays in the stomach and is soon expelled when the right time arrives.

Before I took this discovery, I felt sorry for those "body parts" that I banished in the toilet. I could not let go of things I had. The same thing that flows in me while sitting on the throne.

It is a hodgepodge of regretting the things that should have been in the past and tarrying in the beautiful memories we wish to live over again. In fact, every changing of year, I am stuck in the old left face of Janus. I just thank God that Janus has two faces, that he has the young right face which seems to tell us that we should build new memories and do better by not forgetting the past but instead learning from them, preserving and remembering the good ones. A new gate is opened when the old one is closed.

But of course, the closure comes from the gratitude of those who surrounded my year. I am thankful that I still have a home to which I could go home. I am thankful to my family whose expressions of love may be parallel lines that do not meet and yet the invisible and inaudible love still exists in believing each other and finding slightest joys. I am thankful to my friends, old and new, to the old for understanding that I am not unkind but just hard to find and that I never forgot them, to the new for giving me fresh slices of life. I am thankful to my teachers and mentors who introduce me to the dream of reading and writing. I am thankful to my students who test my patience, whose failings and misbehaviors I considered part of the package, whose winnings, exclusive humors and joys, and shy and silent tenderness and thanks I regard as their tokens to me. I close my year with all these thanks in the trust that when I open the new year, these thanks will stay and even be doubled at the conclusion of this new year. Each year, my thanks double for I am thankful that I am alive and living.

Of course, the promise of a new year comes into mind. And when New Year arrives, promises come into mind, thus the notion of New Year's resolutions.

The problem with these resolutions is that one is successful in writing them but not in fulfilling them. If these word were knives, I have been stabbed to death. I once wrote these promises to myself but in the twists and turns of the year, the unpredictability and surprises it bring, I lost grasp to these oaths.

From then on, I did not promise. I simply planned. The difference is that promises are heavier. Promises are broken when not fulfilled but plans are only bent when not fulfilled and one could say when plans went unfulfilled, "My plans did not match God's plan. God has a bigger plan. It is not yet the right time so it is postponed. Better luck next time. There is a Plan B. Time to revise and work harder."

A plan has a goal and deadline you have to accomplish. When I do not, I just consider my efforts not as wasted but as primary steps I took towards the goal. Yes, I evaluate what I lacked but I looked at what I harvested and learned. This is not what others would say making an excuse for a failure but yes I failed yet I failed joyfully and without regrets. What is important is knowing I did all I could do and putting my best in them. I judge myself every year not for the quantity of things I did but for the quality of me as a person, for the transformation, for the leap I made.

Resolutions are made of free will and predestination. We are all predestined to be happy and successful people. That is God's Great Plan. Now, it is time for us to make the small plans, the small steps. That is where free-will works. We make small plans and steps to align them to the Great Plan. We just have to be patient and waiting. Let us work positively while thinking positively to attract our luck and destiny.

But I do not have only my plans but my prayers. Considering that my mother taught me that prayers are composed of thanking and asking, I already began praying here since then. Prayers, unlike resolutions, are hoping and hopeful, and not expecting and demanding.

I pray that whatever God gives us, may we endure and embrace them as fleeting storms which raindrops we need to shower the drying soil of our faith and our plans.

I pray that you and I live the way Anne Frank thinks in her diary, whose book a must-read for the universe. Normally, to ease our suffering, we look at others who suffer worse than us and tell ourselves how fortunate we are. May we stray from this thinking. May our joy come not from the sorrow of others. To ease our suffering, Anne suggested looking at the remaining beauty of the world for those who are happy make others happy.

But God, when we look upon the beauty and wealth of others, may we not turn jealous as envy is theft by mind and may we not turn into thieves by hand. May we learn to work our hands and earn for ourselves and instead of opening them to receive and beg, may we open our hands to give and shake hands.

God, may we find the beauty and kindness of people around us, the way Anne taught me that in spite of everything, people are really good in heart. I believe her. I believe that people have the kind purpose but do things in the wrong means. Everyone after all is born under innocence.

Sometimes my classmates would tell how idealistic I am and my looks on the world are. I am dreaming of a world where people think of others, think for others, and not becoming selfish. People help others and in doing so, they find themselves, their purpose, and help themselves at the end, and without expecting it, someday those we help will help us too.

May you turn us into hopeful yet hardworking people. May the youth of today like my students know how to read books and films, understand them by the heart and mind, study them to appreciate the brilliant mind of the writer and not just read them for entertainment.

May we learn to separate the good seeds from the bad. May we youth partake in solving problems of the country. May we not be distracted by the social media and the television. May we not turn into passive consumers. May our needs align and become our wants. May we treat people not as things and not even treat things as people. May we learn how to save and earn money more than spending them. May we know how to take care of nature more than destroying her. May we be thankful to everything we have and not wasteful! May we share and not be greedy!

May we learn the history of the country, the hardships of those who came before us to give us the comfort we have and to tell them how fortunate we are. May we believe that we bring in ourselves the potential to change the country. May we vote and vote wisely as the same time that may truth prevail and may the right leader serve the people more than himself! May we serve the country and not ourselves! But then, may we be served of what we deserve! Our country needs and deserves us and better!

May we study not for grades and pressure but for fun and love of learning! May everyone remember that they are once young and not forget it even if they grow up! May we remember the simplicity of life.

May we stick to what Lola Nidora says. Life and love are not instant noodles. One needs to work hard and not rush things.

May we be honest to ourselves, to our fellowmen, and to God. May we contribute and not complain, judge, and pass the blame. May understanding and peace rule us. May we become givers and producers more than mere receivers and consumers.

To myself, I am not just praying to God to grant me health but I am praying to myself to learn how to live healthy at body and mind. May I reduce fatty and oily foods. May I reduce consuming soft drinks and junk foods. May I eat fishes, fruits, and veggies. May I be learn to exercise my body.

May I attain my dream of graduating with honor and excellence, more than the title I desire. May I be guided of what would happen to me after graduating. May I love my profession and may my profession love me. I sincerely want to teach and write. I see the need not just in the lack of teachers in our country but the quality of education and thinking. I want to inspire them while being inspired. I want to impart them what I know, my help, my self. It all started when I returned to our high school and began training campus journalists to whom I can see myself.

May the campus journalists not only reap success but the love of learning and their power to inspire, ignite social change, and sincerely write and serve for the country.

May I become a teacher, a good teacher. May my mother and many others be understanding of the path I want to take. May I serve my purpose, God, my family, my country, my fellowmen, the needy, and my self. May I contribute to the world. May I love learning. May I continue discovering for myself and for the world!

May I think of new ideas for writing despite one professor saying all ideas in the world have already been thought of and exhausted.

May my girl and I be "legal" to both our parents. I really miss her. May I learn to wait and be patient and understanding. May love become an inspiration and not a destruction/distraction. May love build us together. May I learn so many things from her, my love. May love be egalitarian and yet not demanding.

To myself, may I turn gentler to the people around me. May I turn gentler to myself. May I know how to rest when needed. May I know when to keep my thoughts into me and may I know when to say them. May I be understanding and patient in understanding before I judge, blame, and complain about others and my situation! May I be giving and forgiving before I am given and forgiven. May I endure and take constructively comments.

May I not be envious of my sister's closeness to my mother. May I find myself attached and helpful to my family. May I forgive my father.

May I fill and surround myself with love. May I learn how to give without asking for anything in exchange. Let me become a heroic fool! May I remember that love is an investment.

May I value time and my life. May I continue moving up and moving forward!

May we all find and keep internal and external peace, happiness, love, success, health, life, happy endings and hopeful starts.

Since the future holds no certainty but surprises, I am keeping one hand in my pocket.

Then I blurted out the words Amen, washed what should be washed, flushed the toilet, left the throne and its room, and fell asleep while greeting myself at January 1, 12 am, Happy New Year!