December 31, 2015, 11:50 pm.
Outside, I could hear the ruckus of trumpet
toys and the booming of fireworks that for sure create beauty in the sky but
certainly manufacture scare at the grounds to those poor hands who grip them
and to those stressed house pets.
While others were busy entertaining themselves
in such commotions while chewing their Media Noche, savoring their lucky charms
and dozen of round fruits, and promptly jumping for a height increase amid the
countdown, I sat on the throne.
When I was young and so gullible, I used to
believe that what people "exorcise" from the their bodies are
naturally parts of their anatomies, that the "purged" are already
before just like any other body part. I soon discovered that they are digested
food that temporarily stays in the stomach and is soon expelled when the right
time arrives.
Before I took this discovery, I felt sorry for
those "body parts" that I banished in the toilet. I could not let go
of things I had. The same thing that flows in me while sitting on the throne.
It is a hodgepodge of regretting the things
that should have been in the past and tarrying in the beautiful memories we
wish to live over again. In fact, every changing of year, I am stuck in the old
left face of Janus. I just thank God that Janus has two faces, that he has the
young right face which seems to tell us that we should build new memories and
do better by not forgetting the past but instead learning from them, preserving
and remembering the good ones. A new gate is opened when the old one is closed.
But of course, the closure comes from the
gratitude of those who surrounded my year. I am thankful that I still have a
home to which I could go home. I am thankful to my family whose expressions of
love may be parallel lines that do not meet and yet the invisible and inaudible
love still exists in believing each other and finding slightest joys. I am
thankful to my friends, old and new, to the old for understanding that I am not
unkind but just hard to find and that I never forgot them, to the new for
giving me fresh slices of life. I am thankful to my teachers and mentors who
introduce me to the dream of reading and writing. I am thankful to my students
who test my patience, whose failings and misbehaviors I considered part of the
package, whose winnings, exclusive humors and joys, and shy and silent
tenderness and thanks I regard as their tokens to me. I close my year with all
these thanks in the trust that when I open the new year, these thanks will stay
and even be doubled at the conclusion of this new year. Each year, my thanks
double for I am thankful that I am alive and living.
Of course, the promise of a new year comes into
mind. And when New Year arrives, promises come into mind, thus the notion of
New Year's resolutions.
The problem with these resolutions is that one
is successful in writing them but not in fulfilling them. If these word were
knives, I have been stabbed to death. I once wrote these promises to myself but
in the twists and turns of the year, the unpredictability and surprises it
bring, I lost grasp to these oaths.
From then on, I did not promise. I simply
planned. The difference is that promises are heavier. Promises are broken when
not fulfilled but plans are only bent when not fulfilled and one could say when
plans went unfulfilled, "My plans did not match God's plan. God has a
bigger plan. It is not yet the right time so it is postponed. Better luck next
time. There is a Plan B. Time to revise and work harder."
A plan has a goal and deadline you have to
accomplish. When I do not, I just consider my efforts not as wasted but as
primary steps I took towards the goal. Yes, I evaluate what I lacked but I
looked at what I harvested and learned. This is not what others would say
making an excuse for a failure but yes I failed yet I failed joyfully and
without regrets. What is important is knowing I did all I could do and putting
my best in them. I judge myself every year not for the quantity of things I did
but for the quality of me as a person, for the transformation, for the leap I
made.
Resolutions are made of free will and
predestination. We are all predestined to be happy and successful people. That
is God's Great Plan. Now, it is time for us to make the small plans, the small
steps. That is where free-will works. We make small plans and steps to align
them to the Great Plan. We just have to be patient and waiting. Let us work
positively while thinking positively to attract our luck and destiny.
But I do not have only my plans but my prayers.
Considering that my mother taught me that prayers are composed of thanking and
asking, I already began praying here since then. Prayers, unlike resolutions,
are hoping and hopeful, and not expecting and demanding.
I pray that whatever God gives us, may we
endure and embrace them as fleeting storms which raindrops we need to shower
the drying soil of our faith and our plans.
I pray that you and I live the way Anne Frank
thinks in her diary, whose book a must-read for the universe. Normally, to ease
our suffering, we look at others who suffer worse than us and tell ourselves
how fortunate we are. May we stray from this thinking. May our joy come not
from the sorrow of others. To ease our suffering, Anne suggested looking at the
remaining beauty of the world for those who are happy make others happy.
But God, when we look upon the beauty and
wealth of others, may we not turn jealous as envy is theft by mind and may we
not turn into thieves by hand. May we learn to work our hands and earn for ourselves
and instead of opening them to receive and beg, may we open our hands to give
and shake hands.
God, may we find the beauty and kindness of
people around us, the way Anne taught me that in spite of everything, people
are really good in heart. I believe her. I believe that people have the kind
purpose but do things in the wrong means. Everyone after all is born under
innocence.
Sometimes my classmates would tell how
idealistic I am and my looks on the world are. I am dreaming of a world where
people think of others, think for others, and not becoming selfish. People help
others and in doing so, they find themselves, their purpose, and help
themselves at the end, and without expecting it, someday those we help will
help us too.
May you turn us into hopeful yet hardworking
people. May the youth of today like my students know how to read books and
films, understand them by the heart and mind, study them to appreciate the
brilliant mind of the writer and not just read them for entertainment.
May we learn to separate the good seeds from
the bad. May we youth partake in solving problems of the country. May we not be
distracted by the social media and the television. May we not turn into passive
consumers. May our needs align and become our wants. May we treat people not as
things and not even treat things as people. May we learn how to save and earn
money more than spending them. May we know how to take care of nature more than
destroying her. May we be thankful to everything we have and not wasteful! May
we share and not be greedy!
May we learn the history of the country, the
hardships of those who came before us to give us the comfort we have and to
tell them how fortunate we are. May we believe that we bring in ourselves the
potential to change the country. May we vote and vote wisely as the same time
that may truth prevail and may the right leader serve the people more than
himself! May we serve the country and not ourselves! But then, may we be served
of what we deserve! Our country needs and deserves us and better!
May we study not for grades and pressure but
for fun and love of learning! May everyone remember that they are once young
and not forget it even if they grow up! May we remember the simplicity of life.
May we stick to what Lola Nidora says. Life and
love are not instant noodles. One needs to work hard and not rush things.
May we be honest to ourselves, to our
fellowmen, and to God. May we contribute and not complain, judge, and pass the
blame. May understanding and peace rule us. May we become givers and producers
more than mere receivers and consumers.
To myself, I am not just praying to God to
grant me health but I am praying to myself to learn how to live healthy at body
and mind. May I reduce fatty and oily foods. May I reduce consuming soft drinks
and junk foods. May I eat fishes, fruits, and veggies. May I be learn to
exercise my body.
May I attain my dream of graduating with honor
and excellence, more than the title I desire. May I be guided of what would
happen to me after graduating. May I love my profession and may my profession
love me. I sincerely want to teach and write. I see the need not just in the
lack of teachers in our country but the quality of education and thinking. I
want to inspire them while being inspired. I want to impart them what I know,
my help, my self. It all started when I returned to our high school and began
training campus journalists to whom I can see myself.
May the campus journalists not only reap
success but the love of learning and their power to inspire, ignite social
change, and sincerely write and serve for the country.
May I become a teacher, a good teacher. May my
mother and many others be understanding of the path I want to take. May I serve
my purpose, God, my family, my country, my fellowmen, the needy, and my self.
May I contribute to the world. May I love learning. May I continue discovering
for myself and for the world!
May I think of new ideas for writing despite
one professor saying all ideas in the world have already been thought of and
exhausted.
May my girl and I be "legal" to both
our parents. I really miss her. May I learn to wait and be patient and
understanding. May love become an inspiration and not a
destruction/distraction. May love build us together. May I learn so many things
from her, my love. May love be egalitarian and yet not demanding.
To myself, may I turn gentler to the people
around me. May I turn gentler to myself. May I know how to rest when needed.
May I know when to keep my thoughts into me and may I know when to say them.
May I be understanding and patient in understanding before I judge, blame, and
complain about others and my situation! May I be giving and forgiving before I
am given and forgiven. May I endure and take constructively comments.
May I not be envious of my sister's closeness
to my mother. May I find myself attached and helpful to my family. May I
forgive my father.
May I fill and surround myself with love. May I
learn how to give without asking for anything in exchange. Let me become a
heroic fool! May I remember that love is an investment.
May I value time and my life. May I continue
moving up and moving forward!
May we all find and keep internal and external
peace, happiness, love, success, health, life, happy endings and hopeful starts.
Since the future holds no certainty but
surprises, I am keeping one hand in my pocket.
Then I blurted out the words Amen, washed what
should be washed, flushed the toilet, left the throne and its room, and fell
asleep while greeting myself at January 1, 12 am, Happy New Year!
